8am: Took turning into DUKE highway instead of SOHO.

What a fun weekend! It was Tommy’s birthday. He threw a party at Taksu gallery. I got so smashed and solicited kisses from all the boys. I was told one of them turned me down (?huh?). Then I jumped in the pool in my undies. Lucky they matched! And then I put my dress back on on top of my wet knickers. hahahahahah. Then I cuddled with Taff, it’s great to have friends you can cuddle with. Then I woke up safe and sound alone in my own bed with a splitting head-ache.

(WORD WRESTLE, Pseudonim, kuala lumpur)

I was telling The Highway tonight that I hate chasing, it makes a fool of me. I asked him, I asked,

Why, Highway, am I not being pursued?? I’m hot! I’m clever!
The Highway: Too clever!

It took me a while…

Me: O… this is a problem?
The Highway: It is! Too clever.

… ………. !

Well, I fried a great amount of grey matter between the ages of 17 and 30. Nemmind la. If I compromised on my cleverness, who would entertain me? Entertaining friends is a limited and precious resource. So when I don’t have them around, I have alot of entertaining to do. Don’t tell me I should be (gasp) bored. Of course I would rather be alone and entertained than stupid and with someone… ugh, that sounds thoroughly boring.

Or I could just chase this intriguing person (albeit a little blur), get tired, feel stupid, and then start all over again like a curious child. Having said that, chasing on the phone is a challenge, to say the least. Maybe it’s like climbing, I have to hone my technique. Or maybe it’s just dumb and I’ll get over it soon. It really does suck to be more interested than someone you set your sights on, it’s not good for your ego, reputation, brand image, health, phone bill, sense of humour…

O well, I have my music. Listening to a Hip Hop album from Jogja, which is beautiful!! I want to drown in poetry and music. blogspot won’t let me show you. Sucks to be you too.

(WORD WRESTLE, aku hensum, kuala lumpur )

Grief is such a strange thing. It’s a feeling that is so complex and hard to explain. Maybe the biggest thing about grief is that you have no control. You lose someone and you can’t hang on to them, they are lost to you and there is nothing you can do about it. It is probably the only situation where you can’t do anything about this thing that happens that you really wish didn’t.

The other night a friend of mine asked out of the blue if cheekbones was my soul mate. My instant reaction was, “no, if he were my soulmate, he wouldn’t have hurt me because that would be like hurting himself.

Then, I read in Eat Pray Love where Richard from Texas says “People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet , because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it.”

The wind was knocked out of me. In that case, he was my soul mate.

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take Richard’s word for it. For a moment, I thought, how do we even know this whole soul mate thing is real? Maybe it’s just something cool someone made up.

So I turned to Wikipedia. It said, “One theory from Plato’s Symposium, is that humans originally consisted of four arms, four legs and a single head made of two faces, but Zues feared their power and split them all in half, condemning them to spend their lives searching for the other half to complete them.” 2 faces? Good grief. One is hard enough to maintain. Now that Zues has simplified matters, why go back to the complication of 2 faces.

Coz kissing is great.

Some other people believe that a soul mate is someone you’ve been with for many life times and they may be with you in the current life as a friend, parent, lover, sibling. See that makes more sense. That lifts the pressure and frustration from having to find The One.

And I find it’s a little unhealthy to walk around feeling incomplete, depending on someone else to complete you.

So maybe all these theories came about because it’s human to get lonely. A myth to hang on to when it gets rough? An excuse to use to throw all caution to the wind and fall in love with reckless abandon?

(WORD WRESTLE, aku hensum, kuala lumpur )

Did you watch The Secret? Did you read The Alchemist? Why don’t you just ask for it? Can you feel it? Is it just a figment of your imagination?

The power of attraction? Or are we just attracted to coincidence? Making sense of the nonsensical. Is meditating just us calming the fuck down? When you bow to God do you really feel him or is it your need for some love, for divine love, for something divine? Are all the religions just us manufacturing a purpose for 80-odd pointless years?

(aku hensem, WORDWRESTLE, Kuala Lumpur)